I was up early in the morning. Preparations for the surgery progressed. We were scheduled to deliver around 9 but an emergency c-section took precedence over our time and our delivery was rescheduled to 12:30. It was a little nerve racking to wait after such a long night but we made it through. There was nothing else to do. The mood in my room was light. My dad has a way of lightening my spirits in a way that no one else can. I was very grateful that he and my mom were there with us.
My parents and Aaron's parents came to be with us that day. I was so grateful that they were there. I was already hooked up to an IV so the only other thing to do was to check my bleeding time. A woman came in to do that. I didn't know what to expect. She told me that what she was going to do would hurt a little. She proceeded to punch a small rectangular piece of skin from my forearm. Then she monitored how long it took for my blood to slow down and then clot. That little punch stung like the dickens. I passed the bleeding test and she put a bandage on my arm. I still have the scar from that little procedure.
Dr. Fine came in around twelve. It was so good to see him and have him talk with us as well. He had been working behind the scenes with Dr. Johnson and knew everything that had happened. He explained that the safest way to get Abby out would be to perform a t-cut c-section. There would be no outward difference that I could see but a cut in a T shape would be made on my uterus. It would give her the maximum space to be lifted from the uterus swiftly and safely. It would also mean that every baby that I had would have to be delivered by c-section. I consented immediately. Whatever was best for Abby was what we were going to do. I had never had any sort of contraction or felt a labor pain. I'm sure most women think I am crazy for feeling I missed something because of that. Perhaps they are right. Maybe it's just that feeling of normalcy, getting to that stage in a pregnancy that is the draw. It's something I will never experience.
Dr. Fine was a very comforting presence. Although I liked Dr. Johnson very much, I was grateful to have my own doctor there. He again told us that because of Abby's size not to be concerned if she did not cry. Babies so small have very tiny lungs. I had thought about her crying for weeks and I really wanted to hear her. I knew it wasn't likely but I was secretly wishing that she would let out a cry for us.
Finally, everything was ready. Our parents took all of our bags to the room I would be going to post delivery. I remember they made me ride in a wheelchair back to the operating room. I climbed up on the table and the anesthesiologist gave me a spinal block in my back. It is much like an epidural but does not have to be reloaded. It also blocks all of the pain. It amazed me how quickly I felt nothing below my ribcage. It was an odd sensation.
They were ready to start and hadn't called Aaron in yet. I waited for him to arrive. His face was pale when he sat down near my head. He found my hand and squeezed it. His hands were cold. He didn't tell me then but later he mentioned that when they had brought him in they had already started and he had seen more blood etc. than he would have liked. Luckily, he is a strong man and did not pass out but I'm sorry he had to see that. A blue sheet hides the view from the patient and anyone sitting at the head. I would have preferred for Aaron to have been there with me from the start.
The room was very quiet. The only sounds that I heard were Dr. Fine talking calmly to the team of people around him. He asked me how I was doing. I said I was doing fine. He told me that they almost had her out. I watched Aaron's face and waited. We waited for any sign that she was okay. I heard Dr. Fine say, "She's out!" then, "Oh, Jenny, she's tiny!" Tears came when we heard her tiny cries. They sounded like little squeaky squawks but they were music to our ears. She got out three little cries. It was what I had hoped for. It was that moment when I heard her cry that I knew that she would live. A confidence in that formed very quickly in my heart and the profound peace continued. I knew she was a fighter and I was relieved. It was the first time in months that I knew she would be okay.
The NICU team took her immediately to the warming bed to help her. I could see her being carried to the bed and watched them work on her. She was so tiny. They were ready to take her to the NICU and I told Aaron to go with her. I was glad that she was in good hands and that Aaron would be there with her. They finished closing me up and I went off to the recovery room to be monitored after surgery. In the recovery room I replayed everything in my head many times, relieved that the birth had gone so smoothly. I still worried for Abby. She was so tiny with legs no thicker than my fingers. My wedding ring would have fit easily around her leg. I marveled at the miracle of her life and prayed that she would do well.
This is where my own experience in telling this story will not suffice so I will instead rely on other sources for my information. Aaron followed Abby back to the NICU. We had been given permission by our bishop to give Abby a name and a blessing there in the hospital if it looked like she was not going to live. Luckily, this was not necessary. Instead Aaron asked permission from the doctor to give her a regular priesthood blessing. After she was stabilized they allowed Aaron and his dad, Mel, to go to her bedside and give her a blessing.
Aaron's mom, Lauren and my dad were able to stand and watch. My dad had a cold and could not go near Abby. Normally, priesthood holders lay their hands on the person's head when giving a blessing. Aaron and Mel are both very tall and both have very large, powerful hands. Abby's head was so tiny and fragile that they used just their index fingers to gently touch her head. My dad has told me many times that the vision of watching those two mighty men standing over such a tiny baby to administer a blessing is a scene that he will never forget. Hearing about it afterward brought me to tears. I was so grateful to have the blessing of the priesthood in our family and grateful that they were willing and able to perform that duty for Abby.
My mom came to visit me in the recovery room while everyone else was with Abby. My mom talked with me and gave me the news that Abby was stable in the NICU. She sat with me for a minute and we talked. My mom's presence was such a comfort to me. I knew she was worried for us all and oddly her worrying made me worry less. She always was there to comfort me and pray for me. We had cried together on many occasions leading up to this day and having her there was just what I needed. Our emotions were close to the surface for all of us that day and I don't think anyone in our party made it through without some tears. I felt the calm assurance of the Spirit as they told me how the blessing had gone. So much of what happened that day was a combination of temporal and spiritual blessings that it is difficult to separate the two. The road ahead was unknown but it was clear that we would continue to be led through it.
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