The Miracle of Ordinary Days - Part 13

We had spent a rather long night in the hospital with Abby prepared to go home on the morning of the 19th of May, 2003.  Abby had been fussy all night and we wondered if she was hurting from the surgery she needed to insert the feeding tube into her stomach.  We woke up and were getting ready to be discharged.  I had her clothes laid out to go home in and I opened her diaper to change her.  There underneath her diaper was a large red lump.  Alarmed, I called for Aaron to come over and look at the lump.  We immediately went for a nurse to come and inspect the lump. 

The nurse looked at the lump and she called Dr. Fischer to come and examine her right way.  It was an inguinal hernia.  These kinds of hernias are more common in boys.  Not only did Abby have one hernia where the lump had formed but two hernias, one on each side. They happen in the groin area and do not close on their own.  The only way to repair hernias of that kind was another surgery.  Dr. Fischer assured us because we had found it so early that morning that he would be able to repair it that day and although Abby would have to spend another night in the NICU, barring any unforeseen circumstances, we would be able to take her home the following day.

Needless to say the fact that we couldn't take Abby home was a major disappointment but both Aaron and I felt grateful that it had happened when we were still at the hospital and not already home.  It would have been so much more discouraging to have made it home and then have to return to the hospital again the next day with a hurting baby in need of surgery.  I think Heavenly Father knew we were reaching the end of our patience and our strength.  Another blessing was that Abby would not have to go under anesthesia and be on the vent again.  She would be able to have a spinal block during surgery so the dreaded vent could be avoided and not delay her coming home with us.

Once again they prepared Abby for surgery to repair both hernias.  Once again it was stressful for us but the procedure went well.  One more night in the NICU and our girl would finally be free!  The next morning we arrived early to see how Abby was doing and this time she was ready to go.  She'd slept well during the night and was a happy baby once more.  I got her clothes arranged to change her into her going home outfit.  I went to change her diaper once more and opened her diaper to find a great deal of blood coming from her incision. 
I had seen Abby go through many things but bleeding was not one of them.  For the first time in my life, I got dizzy and speechless and had to sit down because I felt like I would pass out.  Aaron helped me get to a chair and went to find a nurse to help us and I sat trying to take deep breaths to calm myself down breathing through a few more tears. One of her stitches had burst and that is what had caused the bleeding.  They quickly closed the incision again and covered  it up and we got her diaper changed.  My mini-crisis over, I helped Aaron finish getting Abby dressed in her outfit and ready to go home.  Aaron brought the car seat to set her in it and it was time to go. 

She was very light because she was no longer connected to any wires.  They had been so much a part of her that it felt odd to carry her around with nothing streaming behind us.  No oxymeter was attached to her foot.  She had no leads on her chest to monitor her breath rate and heartbeat.  She didn't need them any more!  We had been preparing for this day for so long that when the time finally came to leave, it was surreal.  We said goodbye to everyone that was there and thanked them.  A nurse accompanied us to the car and we got Abby's car seat situated in the back seat.  I rode in the back with her so that I could watch her and make sure she was okay as we drove and we pulled out of the hospital parking lot.  You can imagine the joy that we felt to get to leave with our baby!  Such a feeling of elation overtook us that we both let out a cheer.  We cheered for a few blocks and laughed and filmed Abby's ride home on the video camera.  It was a beautiful day! 

Abby in her car seat ready to come home

We pulled up in front of our house and took Abby down the stairs to our basement apartment.  We took pictures of her there in her car seat and then took her out to hold her.  It was a blessed moment, just the three of us, in our own house after so many months of waiting.  It was the 20th of May 2003, just one day short of four months after her birth. We had brought our sweet Abigail home to stay and it could be just the three of us with no monitors, no alarms, no doctors or nurses.  It was the end of our NICU journey with Abby but the beginning of so many other beautiful days, obstacles and triumphs for our little girl and for our family. 

Abby sleeping in her bed for the first time.  One of my favorite pictures, ever. 

That night we had some visitors.  My brother Matt and his wife Rachel and my sister, Emily came to see and hold Abby.  There was a sweet feeling in the room as they held her for the first time.  They were so quiet around her.  It was just perfect.  After months of not seeing her we finally got to introduce them all to each other in person.  In the days that followed we slowly introduced Abby to other friends, family and ward members that had prayed for her during her time in the NICU.  We were careful with her for obvious reasons.  I wish I could replay each of those encounters for you all.  There was so much love and joy when she finally came home.  It was truly a sweet and blessed time as she interacted with those that had worried and cared about her with us. 

My brother, Matt and sister, Emily feeding Abby for the first time on the night she came home from the hospital.

My sister-in-law Rachel with Abby on the night she came home from the hospital.

Abby's journey through those early months was difficult.  Once she came home, life became sweeter.  It was like holding our collective breath for months and finally being able to exhale again and then we started to breathe again and breathing felt so good. Many more things have happened in the years since that are also part of Abby's story but these early months defined us in a way that I am only now beginning to appreciate.  

I think that experiences like the one that we went through with Abby make us more understanding, increase our empathy, remind us of the tender mercies of God, built our faith, give us hope, teach us joy and give us new purpose.  Personally, they helped me see that each child is precious.  I think we all know this but when you see a baby grow from such a tiny, fragile state you gain a new appreciation for healthy, happy pregnancies and chubby, roly poly babies.  

Abby with her Grandpa Borders a few days after coming home from the hospital.

We kept Abby home for about six weeks from church and on July 6th, Abby was given a name and a blessing.  It was a joyful day for me and filled with many tears of gratitude.  It was also a fast Sunday and during testimony meeting I shared a scripture that sums up my feelings about that time very well.  It was one that gave me a lot of comfort through those months in the hospital.  
The scripture is from The Book of Mormon, Mosiah 24 verses 13-17: 
13 And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.
14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.
15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.
16 And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage.

I stand as a witness of the truth of this scripture.  He does visit us in our afflictions, large and small.  He does ease our burdens and make them light.  There is great power in the faith of many joined together in prayer and fasting.  There is still hope when all seems to fail.  Faith makes seemingly impossible things possible.  There is comfort for us all when we ask for it.  I know these things because I experienced them first hand. I know that happened because of our faith and the faith of our friends and family.  Our faith didn't make all of our problems vanish or make Abby instantly healthy but it gave us the strength to endure that long time even when we felt like we could endure it no longer.  This is how faith grows.  We put forth a little and so much more comes back to us.  It's a beautiful thing.